I <3 Highly Sensitive People.
Does it sometimes feel like you feel too much?
Like you’re wired wrong for this world? Experiences that others seem to be able to brush off stick with you. From the smallest interaction (like a neighbor looking at you funny in passing) to the state of the world, things imprint deeply on your mind and heart. You find yourself exhausted by a pace of work that colleagues seem to be able to handle. The depth of processing that makes your life rich and complex can also be overwhelming. At times you agonize over how to navigate, or better yet, avoid, conflict, dreading hurting others’ feelings and anticipating your own guilt.
If this sounds like you, you may be highly sensitive. If you’re not sure, you can take a test here. High sensitivity is a biological trait, not a disorder or diagnosis. HSPs are often also called empaths, and many of the characteristics of high sensitivity overlap with “giftedness” (a designation that can itself feel more like a burden sometimes — an impossible ideal rather than a blessing). All of these labels or designations will continue to evolve in coming years so I hold them lightly, while simultaneously acknowledging how powerful it can be to have one’s experience as a sensitive person named and embraced (it was for me).
What do you love about being sensitive?
You may not be used to that question, but asking it regularly can build a habit of savoring the positive. You are likely bright, creative, and conscientious. You may recall times your sensitivity led you to notice details that others missed or connect seemingly disparate ideas which led you to innovative problem-solving. You may love the way your sensitivity allows you to be deeply moved by the arts, nature, animals, justice, or simple human kindness. You may have a rich inner life. And your sensitivity can foster great intimacy in relationships.
Buuuuut make no mistake, being sensitive can be f*cking hard, too. As sensitive people are in the minority (15-30% of the population, equally female and male), the world is simply not normed for it. Many environments are too loud, too chaotic, or too antagonistic for HSPs to be at their best. As sensitivity is not widely understood (sadly even among mental health professionals), HSPs may have been criticized or shamed by others for being “too sensitive” in childhood, romantic relationships, or professional settings, and they may be criticizing and shaming themselves for it now. They may even think they’re not truly “sensitive” because they sometimes lash out at others, either out loud or in their heads (note: sensitive people feel all emotions deeply, not just empathy or compassion; we can be irritable and ornery with the best of them). And HSPs who didn’t grow up with skilled parents and/or a validating environment are particularly at risk for overwhelm.
My work with HSPs is geared toward shifting the narrative from judgment and alienation to caring and belonging, from seeing weakness to recognizing strength. The paradox is that through truly accepting the fact of our sensitivity, we set ourselves up to be able to change/grow in ways that align with our values. As an HSP myself, I can offer tailored skills and insight to help gently, flexibly turn down overstimulation and doubt and increase safety and trust in oneself.
If you’re sensitive but also crave exciting, new experiences, you can assess whether you’re high sensation-seeking as well (🙋♀️). High sensation seekers may enjoy more spontaneity, travel, sexual experimentation, safe substance use, or off-color humor. Being a highly sensitive, high-sensation-seeker can be a bit like having one foot on the brake and one foot on the gas simultaneously: can make for a wild, bumpy ride. If this is you, it is even more important to know how to pace yourself, prioritize, set those ubiquitous boundaries, place yourself in environments that fit, and know when to rest.
If you’d like to explore what HSP therapy is like, feel free to contact me below.